Jules Bailey, the Game of Thrown's, and the lack of precious storytelling bodily fluids (PSTBF).

Published by Jeff Woodward, May 15th, 2016

API-Portland, OR. Sunday, May 15, 2016, 8:00 AM

After loosing his bid for mayor, Jules Bailey has escaped from a secure mental ward where he was being held after being placed on a 72-hour hold.

A man who wished to remain anonymous said Bailey told him that he had escaped from the mental ward because the doctors had refused to replace his precious storytelling bodily fluids. Bailey went on to say; I’ve been granted an audience with Daenerys Targaryen (daughter of Aegon IV) at the castle Winterfell.

API-Portland, OR. Sunday, May 15, 2016 11:00 AM

UPDATE

Portland mayoral candidate Jules Bailey was arrested in Boise Idaho and is being held without bail on suspicion of killing as many as ten men.

While reports are sketchy, members of Bailey’s campaign team are speculating that the ten men died of boredom as Bailey repeated a story chronicling the difficulties he and his wife had in finding affordable housing.

API-Portland, OR. Sunday, May 15, 2016 1:00 PM

UPDATE

It has been reported but not confirmed that Jules Bailey has been placed in a solitary confinement cell on suspicion of killing an additional eight men who were found dead in the adjoining cells next to Bailey. Authorities said they found a blood-stained note near one of the bodies that read in part; make him stop telling stories – I beg of you - no more stories.

API-Portland, OR. Sunday, May 15, 2016 2:30 PM

UPDATE

It has been reported but not confirmed that Jules Bailey has been restrained in a confinement chair with a black spit bag placed over his head. ...He (Bailey) wouldn’t stop insisting that he was late for a scheduled audience with Daenerys Targaryen, whoever the fuck that is the correctional officer was quoted as saying.

The correctional officer continued; when that little prick wouldn’t stop screaming about replacing his precious storytelling bodily fluids(PSTBF), we threw his ass in the restraint chair and put the spit bag on his head.

API-Portland, OR. Sunday, May 15, 2016, 5:00 PM

UPDATE

While being incarcerated in a Boise Idaho jail for the death for up to 18 inmates, Jules Bailey has been released from custody. While the details are still coming in, those close to the Bailey campaign are reporting that Bailey was released due to credible threats by Bailey, who was threatening to kill others of boredom within the correctional facility.

He (Bailey) kept muttering with the spit bag over his head about an appointment with Daenerys Targaryen (daughter of Aegon IV) at the castle Winterfell to replace his precious storytelling bodily fluids (PSTBF)," the correctional officer said.

API-Portland, OR. ELECTION DAY, Tuesday, May 17, 2016, 11:00 PM.

On a conference call with his campaign staff, Jules Bailey said; Daenerys Targaryen (daughter of Aegon IV) at the castle Winterfell, rescheduled our meeting for sometime next season after the white walkers have finally come.

THIS JUST IN - Portland mayoral candidate Jules Bailey has killed his entire campaign staff of 22.

Portland’s’ coroner has released the cause of death; These unfortunate 22 souls died as a result of what is now being called Jules Bailey Story Syndrome, or JBSS.

JBSS refers to the lethal combination of telling the same story repeatedly in a robotic and automated manner. Authorities went on to say that they hoped to have a vaccine for JBSS within three years or the next campaign season, which ever comes first.

When asked for a statement, Jules Bailey said: I cannot be held responsible for the death of others while I am deprived of my precious storytelling bodily fluids (PSBF).

Bailey continued, I’d like to take this opportunity to announce that I will be running for the thrown of King, vacated by Joffrey Baratheon, Lannister King of the Rock.

When asked for a statement on Baileys’ rhetoric, his wife said despite the difficulties faced by Jules, or as I refer to him, my little shake weight (MLSW) and myself in trying to find affordable housing, MLSW and I will work together toward replacing his precious storytelling bodily fluids (PSTBF) in order to fulfil his destiny and be crowned King of story.